Why parents need to put their phones down and talk to their kids

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if your 12-year-old child has access to any kind of device they have a social media account you know nothing about.

They've probably watched porn, too.

Kids can be crafty devils. All of them, even the so-called good ones who pay attention in class and like to read books.

The trick is to be craftier than them.

I laughed out loud (that's LOL) when I read about the national debate around the place of social media in the lives of Australian kids.

The ACT government is open to considering bans on young people from being able to access social media, alongside the premiers from the big states.

All of the platforms currently require users to be at least 13, but that limit could be lifted to as high as 16 under a proposal from NSW.

But think about this: 15.6 percent of Australian teenagers between 14 and 18 have had anal sex. A SnapChat account is the least of your worries.

Here's an idea. Worried your kids might be addicted to devices? Don't give them access to one.

Don't sit there and complain about it, while you're continuously scrolling through Instagram accounts, addicted to #tradwife posts. Do something about it. Nothing is going to change unless parents start ... well, parenting.

Life is much easier when you take the easy way out. And that's the catch isn't it?

Unless we, as parents, are prepared to make some really hard decisions, nothing any government tries to do will make any difference.

The Canberra Times this week detailed a 2023 report from the University of Sydney that found almost 70 per cent of 12- to 17-year-olds have used Tik Tok or Snapchat, with most having joined in late primary school - with or without their parents' permission.

I remember the time I busted my son trying to set up an Instagram account when he was about 12. I had his device synced with mine (you can do that, note above, you just have to be craftier) so it would alert me if he was up to funny business.

It was all harmless, he'd post photos of Lego creations and the dog.

He cottoned on to my craftiness and thought he had beaten the system, i.e. me, by setting one up via his PlayStation (they can do that). But some searching on my behalf found his next account - where he had used a photo of said dog as his profile pic. Too easy.

Since then we've had hard and frank discussions about all sorts of things.

Sex and drugs (thankfully his choice of rock'n'roll agrees with mine).

It might be terribly uncomfortable for both of you. But that's what parenting is. You're not meant to be their best mate. They might tell you you're the worst parent in the world if you try to limit their access to devices and the like. I always took that as a compliment.

My colleague Jenna Price has always been a parenting role model for me. Her no-nonsense approach has guided me through many of my own dilemmas.

Her recent column about pornography was another cracker.

"I knew about birds, bees and babies from an early age and that then progressed to more interesting conversations, mainly with mum," she wrote.

"Dad went all awkward on discussing female pleasure with a teenager."

Her family, and I'm sure she had similar conversations with her own children, talked about uncomfortable things. She's not sure if the government's announcements about banning deepfake pornography and pursuing classification reforms to counter violence against women will work.

And I have to agree. Thinking about this column last week I reached out to the boy. Now 21 and living in another city. It only seems like yesterday he was 17 and we were at the kitchen bench talking about blowjobs.

I asked him, somewhat rhetorically, I guess, if he watched porn. He said yes, not often. I believe him. I don't think porn is the grand evil it's made out to be.

I've always likened porn to something like a Transformers movie. Do the kids think trucks might change into robots in real life? No, they don't. If you talk to them about real life, what they might come across in all aspects, you'll help them to navigate it all.

There was a super ad out of New Zealand a few years ago, where a couple of porn stars turned up to a suburban home because young "Matty" had been watching them online. They wanted to talk to him about how relationships work in the real world, which was nothing like their videos.

"I'd never act like that in real life," says the rather buff Derek, in the buff.

Mum Sandra, once she's over the shock, takes Matty into the next room for the talk. "No judgement."

That's the key. No judgement, just honest and open conversations.